As an empath, these days are very interesting and extremely challenging for me. The energies around at the moment are ... well ... interesting - and that's putting it mildly.
From a small child (most of which I can't remember) I had built walls around me to protect myself. I come from a twice broken home. My Mother has undiagnosed mental health issues. My family are very, very, very Christian. I didn't leave the church myself until 6 years ago now. I have spent the last 6 years trying to - I want to say "recover", but it would more be a mix of "recover" and "de-program" myself.
I was always the odd one out. I still feel that way. I pick up on the littlest thing, but other times I can be as thick as two short planks. I pick up on energy, not always what people say. Sometimes I have to read something 3 or 4 times for it to sink in. Being easily distracted (read "ADHD") doesn't help this. I try my best, and that's all I can do. I live for me, not anyone else. My life is mine, and my path is mine. Not yours, not my mother's, not anyone's. I'm open to suggestions, but not people telling me what to do.
I've been through a lot of shit in my life. I often wonder why, but then I remember that before I was incarnated this time my higher self decided on the lessons I needed to learn this lifetime. Kinda puts a different spin on things when you think like that. You realise that your life isn't a series of random events, but more like a carefully orchestrated symphony. How hard my life is, or can be, is totally up to me. If I chose not to learn a lesson, around the mountain I will go ... again and again until I learn that lesson. At every single moment in my life I have a choice, whether to be the victor or the victim. It's my choice. You can't make it for me. You can enlighten me to that choice, but you can't make it for me.
Once I chose to stop being the victim, everything changed. Things started to fall into place. I found myself empowered to change my life and to do amazing things. I found my path in life to be more joyful. I found my giftings started to surface from where I had buried them long ago. It was like welcoming an old friend.
I allowed those walls I had built as a child to start to crumble. I have slowly been dismantling them over the last 12 months. I still have a ways to go, but I can function now as I should be. I'm living, not just surviving. When you ignore your gifts for as long as I have there is going to be a period of adjusting, of learning, of accepting. Things don't just fall into place overnight. It does take time. Each day is a learning experience for me. I have grown and changed and matured so much in the last 12 months. But I've only just scratched the surface, there is so much more to discover and learn and enjoy.
This last week has been very interesting. The energies have been very unusual, and I feel it more than most because I'm empath. I'm not saying that to boast. I'm saying that to explain. I have been a mess of tears since last Wednesday. There's a lot of endings in my life at the moment, and some new things coming, so close that I can reach and and touch but not here yet and it's so frustrating. These are things I've been believing for, praying for, spelling for, I have crystals and altars set up. These are things that I need in my life, like my Twin Flame. But I am at the endings bit, not quite at the beginning bit, but it's soon. So soon.
All I can do is hang on for the ride. I am stronger than I think. Crying doesn't mean that you're weak. It is a way of releasing pressure and cleansing yourself to be ready for the next thing. The strong cry because it makes them stronger. Sounds weird, but it's true.
Hang on to your dreams. Don't ever let them go. Don't just follow them, chase them down and crash tackle them and make them yours. Don't ever let anyone steal your dreams. You CAN do it. You can be whatever you want. You can have whatever you want. You are strong enough, just like I am. Hang on tight. This ride is about to get wilder. Are your ready?